Thursday, December 22, 2011

'Twas three days before Christmas

And Mother Nature dumped a lot of snow
I had one day of work left and didn't want to go.
I wished for a snow day but Todd said "oh no"
If you want a snow day you take PTO!

The Weatherman scared everyone, no one wanted to drive
I made record time to the office, I made it alive!
I got all my work done, I'm not staying 'til five
I'm leaving here early, for this I will strive.

I've got presents to wrap and food to prepare
The guys in my house are of no help, they really don't care.
All the work falls on me, it doesn't seem fair
There would be no Christmas if I were not there.

So tonight I will sort and lable and wrap
Who's idea was it to buy all this crap?
Video games and Lego and Xbox...
Is this what he asked for when on Santa's lap?

As much as I Bah Humbug and act like the Grinch
The reason I do all this work is a cinch
The joy that I see on  my Tommy's face
Is the reason I participate in the holiday rat race.

See, even Mrs. Scrooge can find some holiday cheer
To all of my friends who are far and near
I wish you the very best over the holidays and for the coming year.

PS:  I'll work on my rhyming for next year, I promise!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Bah Humbug

Have I mentioned lately that this time of year is NOT my favorite?  I remember as a kid, the wait between Thanksgiving and Christmas was eternal.  Now it goes by in a flash.  There are several reasons for this:

Grown-ups do all the work.  We shop, we bake, we wrap, we ship, all on top of working a full time job.  There is barely enough time to sleep, alcohol consumption goes up nation-wide (OK, I made that part up), the post office is a nightmare (lucky for me my hubby takes care of that part).  There is just too much to do.

Kids, well, they just sit around and wait.  They circle what they want in the toy catalog, they go see Santa, they want everything they see on's a long process for them.  Then the big day comes and all of our hard work as parents is demolished in mere minutes. 

I'm not a cook, but I do like to bake or whatever during this time of year.  For the past several years I have made something like 13 batches of Chex Mix, PER YEAR.  This year?  Nada, nothing, big fat ZERO.

Tomorrow is cinnamon roll baking day with my friend Susan.  We are on a time constraint due to the kids getting out of school at 230, their holiday party at 130, yadda yadda.  So tomorrow at 830 we begin the task of rolling out the dough.  Lots of dough.  Dough that I have to have ready by 830 when there is a 2-hour prep window.  I'll be scalding milk at 6am...damn you, Pioneer Woman!!!!

Saturday is cookie day with our friend, Karen.  It's a tradition that Tommy and I look forward to every year.  I'm still not done shopping, I'm not done wrapping, and I'm certainly not done bitching about the holidays.  I vote that we do it once every 4 years, like the Olympics, and people will appreciate it more.

In the meantime I'm off to train Manny the Elf how to scald milk and mix in yeast.  Sh*t.  Yeast that I have yet to buy...ho ho freaking ho.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The shopping mall is like a mine field

I rarely go to the mall.  There are only a handful of stores that can get me there, otherwise I go to the nearby outside mall.  When I DO go to the mall, which happens to be Flatirons Crossing, I have to methodically plot my way through so as to avoid those annoying mall kiosk sales people.

Those people are like vulchers.  They wander out into the walkways and want to squirt lotion on you or crimp your hair or clean your jewelry.  They are highly trained at blocking your path whilst waving about the product they are trying to sell.  It usually goes something like this:

Annoying Kiosk Salesperson (AKS):  Would you like to try some lotion
Me:  No thank you
AKS:  Can I ask you a question?
Me:  You just did and no thank you

I don't like to be purposefully rude, but trying to draw me into some kind conversation by asking me a question...puhlease.  I don't want your product thankyouverymuch.  Go away and let me be. 

It's not like I'm strolling along at a leisurely pace either, I shop with a purpose, I want in and out.  If you see me heading full tilt toward you, don't get in my way or you are likely to become mall road kill.  I detest these AKS so much that I now have a path that involves many escalators and department store detours to avoid the long stretch of AKS.  A trip to the mall now takes twice as long because of the detours.  I suppose I could look at it like an exercise routine.  Or, I could just stay away from the mall, which would make my hubby's wallet very happy.