Monday, May 20, 2013

I really need to stop trying to be things I am not

You know how the whole Boot Camp thing went.  Dismal failure.  So I am not even sure WHY I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to become a runner, but I did.

I got all my gear ready, heart rate monitor needed a new battery...check.  My shoes were trashed...check, got some new shoes for running.  Dug out my old workout shorts that were nice and long (thigh friction is brutal).  Got a SpiBelt to carry my phone and keys.  Downloaded some apps to help me on my running venture...I was ready to go.

The Couch to 5K program allegedly will get you running a 5K in 8 weeks, if you run 3 times a week.  I ran a total of 4 times.  About the second time I decided the whole idea was stupid, but I'd hang in there.  The 3rd outing I took Rhoda.  Big mistake.  Big.  She's a little slut and I almost got my arm ripped out of it's socket when she came to a dead stop in front of a stranger, flopped over onto her back and practically demanded a belly rub.  On top of that, running HURTS, and things flop around.  It's not fun and it sure as heck can't look good coming from the opposite direction. 

I am a walker, not a runner.  This is confirmed.  I actually ENJOY walking.  Rhoda enjoys walking.  Walking doesn't hurt and I can carry on a conversation whilst walking.  When I try to talk while running it sounds like I'm trying to make a 9-1-1 call, gasping for air, coughing, hacking.  So from now on, walking it is.

I also have discovered I am not a gardener.  My friend, Susan, SHE is a gardener.  She is a gardening GODDESS.  She looks at stuff and it grows.  I like to look at the results of gardening, but doing the work...that shit is hard.  Digging holes and dragging soil and dirt (and a few dead trees and such)...all very physically painful.  Princesses don't like pain, but my yard was a mess and I knew Susan could whip it into shape.  Saturday we devoted over 6 hours to the project and it's not done yet.  I'm not sure how it will be finished since I literally can't move.  My body hurts from my sunburned nose to my shredded, formerly pedicured toes.  On top of that I got a wicked "I'm dehydrated and now I have a migraine" headache. 

Our yard has never looked better, and after we dig another 39 holes to plant more stuff (Susan has such a green thumb that he stuff grows huge and she divides plants and I am the beneficiary) it'll look even better.  I just wish there were cute outfits that went along with gardening.  That might make it more tolerable, but I doubt it.

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