I've been gone for a long while. Losing my dad has been so difficult, and then a bunch of other crap happened over the summer, and I just didn't have the energy to be witty and write my blog. I'm not so sure this entry will be all that witty either.
My mom, sister and I have been really struggling to get back to some state of normalcy. I don't even know if "normal" exists anymore. I do know that we couldn't have done it without our friends and family who love us through thick and thin.
In my experience, though, I have found out that you really find out who your true friends are when something huge happens.
I was watching a movie on the Lifetime Movie Network last week (I'm such a deep person!) but something made me really stop and think. The teenage girl in the movie lost her mom to murder. Within a few months her best friend began dating her boyfriend and their excuse was basically "you have been weird and should be over this by now, you drove us together". Pretty harsh, and while I haven't had those exact words spoken to me, I have had some friends make it pretty clear that they feel that same way, I should get over it and stop being weird.
You know what? I'm NOT going to just get over it. I talked to a longtime friend last night who lost her dad about a year ago and she said the first year is so hard, and that normal maybe doesn't exist anymore. It was such a relief to hear her say that because the "friends" who aren't being very supportive have no idea. They all still have their parents and haven't had to go through the unimaginable grief and sadness that I've been dealing with. Trying to talk to them and make them understand doesn't work, I've tried. In response I get "you need therapy or grief counseling or something, you should talk to someone". Um...hello, I'm trying to talk to YOU.
I have such amazing friends who call and text to check up on me on a regular basis, I don't know why I have been dwelling on the friends who have written me off. Maybe they don't know what to say. I don't need much, maybe a text just to say hi, they are thinking about me, or an email to ask how I'm doing.
So, this is a giant thank you to those who tried to make the past few months a little easier with kind words, love, friendship, and even food--Weight Watchers is happy to take my money every week as I try to lose my "grief fat". Thank you for letting me be weird and sad without question. Thank you for getting me and helping me through this shit show.
If you got through this and are disappointed, I promise my next blog will be about the day my dad asked me to take him to the pot store. Stay tuned.
