I've been gone for a long while. Losing my dad has been so difficult, and then a bunch of other crap happened over the summer, and I just didn't have the energy to be witty and write my blog. I'm not so sure this entry will be all that witty either.
My mom, sister and I have been really struggling to get back to some state of normalcy. I don't even know if "normal" exists anymore. I do know that we couldn't have done it without our friends and family who love us through thick and thin.
In my experience, though, I have found out that you really find out who your true friends are when something huge happens.
I was watching a movie on the Lifetime Movie Network last week (I'm such a deep person!) but something made me really stop and think. The teenage girl in the movie lost her mom to murder. Within a few months her best friend began dating her boyfriend and their excuse was basically "you have been weird and should be over this by now, you drove us together". Pretty harsh, and while I haven't had those exact words spoken to me, I have had some friends make it pretty clear that they feel that same way, I should get over it and stop being weird.
You know what? I'm NOT going to just get over it. I talked to a longtime friend last night who lost her dad about a year ago and she said the first year is so hard, and that normal maybe doesn't exist anymore. It was such a relief to hear her say that because the "friends" who aren't being very supportive have no idea. They all still have their parents and haven't had to go through the unimaginable grief and sadness that I've been dealing with. Trying to talk to them and make them understand doesn't work, I've tried. In response I get "you need therapy or grief counseling or something, you should talk to someone". Um...hello, I'm trying to talk to YOU.
I have such amazing friends who call and text to check up on me on a regular basis, I don't know why I have been dwelling on the friends who have written me off. Maybe they don't know what to say. I don't need much, maybe a text just to say hi, they are thinking about me, or an email to ask how I'm doing.
So, this is a giant thank you to those who tried to make the past few months a little easier with kind words, love, friendship, and even food--Weight Watchers is happy to take my money every week as I try to lose my "grief fat". Thank you for letting me be weird and sad without question. Thank you for getting me and helping me through this shit show.
If you got through this and are disappointed, I promise my next blog will be about the day my dad asked me to take him to the pot store. Stay tuned.
I lost my dad 14 years ago and still grieve. Never fully get past it. Good post and now I need a tissue.
ReplyDeleteLosing my dad 7.5 years ago changed my entirety. His death changed how I viewed life, and I became different. Life became different. That first year after his death was a blur, and in some ways that blur still remains to this day. So these people who are making such comments...well, they're quite lucky, I guess. Lucky to not have had to deal with the passing of one that they hold on a pedestal. Lucky to not know such grief. I wish I could be so lucky...
ReplyDeleteSorry if this is debbie downer. I don't mean for it to be. But, as I said, my dad's death changed the person that I was and that I knew, and that is difficult for those that are alive and love you to witness..
Jenn, thanks for the reply. So many times I have just felt almost silly. It has been a blur and the holidays coming up isn't helping. I think the hardest part is remembering him at the end. I have to force myself to think of him from before he was so sick. I just miss him so much, which I know you understand.
DeleteI feel like I could have written this. People just don't get it. I feel like people think we're acting like the first people to ever lose their dad. Well, we're the first people to ever lose OUR Dad and it sucks. We'll never be "normal" again. We are forever changed. And to those who are tired of us being sad, well, they're day will come. I hope it's not for a really long time. But when it happens, we will be there to help them get through it because we are caring people and we get it.
ReplyDeleteThe new normal is good. I promise. Is it as good as having my Dad in front of me...laughing with me...hugging me? HELL to the NO! But I feel him everywhere now. I can whisper to him a joke that nobody else would get, I can laugh at myself in the mirror of the dressing room at Macy's knowing he would be saying "No...just no. You look ridiculous." I can go on a date and hear him in my ear saying, "RUN!" In many ways, I feel closer to him. He is with me always. It is a new normal. I love you!
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