Sunday, June 3, 2012

Things not to do or say to a really hormonal menopausal woman

Here is some backstory. Because I'm so young (ha ha) my doctor won't put me on full on HRT. Apparently it causes bad Osteoperosis and I really don't want to be Hunchback Heidi in my later years. Instead I take regular old birth control pills but back to back for three months and then I stop for a week. I call that HELL WEEK.

Hell week is bad for everyone. Me, my husband, my child, coworkers, friends, mail man, checkout person at Hobby Lobby, you get the picture. It's like a demon has invaded my body for a solid 7 days.

Until you live this yourself you have no idea how horrid it can be. I have a week long headache, I think nasty thoughts, I snarl, I drink vodka. Hell week has varying degrees of hellishness and this past week was a doozy. While I wallowed in my misery I compiled a list of things that really set me off this week and I'd like to share them with you.

1. When a HG (Hormonal Gal) states that she's literally crazy without her hormones don't reply "really there isn't much difference when you take them and when you don't" and then say it was a joke.

2. Do not rip open the bag of English muffins leaving a hole in the package. You are not a caveman. Open and close the bag in the appropriate manner.

3. Do not call your mom "mother of the year" when you don't get your way.

4. Do not insinuate that I am not a team player.

5. Do not hide the Midol.

6. Do not pull a bait and switch.

7. Do not ignore my texts and phone calls.

8. Do not hide the chocolate.

9. When I ask for multi-seed Crunch Master crackers in a yellow box do not bring home focking Ritz crackers in a red box.

And for the love of all that is holy DO NOT ASK ME WHY I AM CRYING. I don't usually know why and don't have an answer. So do us a favor and don't ask.

That pretty much sums it up. I know it sounds like my hubby said some wrong things this week but I spend more time with him than anyone so he had more opportunity. He also did some really nice things and tried to make me feel better so he does get let off the hook a bit!

Today is a new day and the start of my hormones and I already feel like a new person. I'm good for another 3 months but out.

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