Thursday, July 21, 2011

Heidi Dater, CSI Evader

I like to mess with people. One day I went to Wal-Mart to buy one of those 6 cubic foot freezers for the garage. I was also buying a bunch of saran wrap for some baking I was planning to do. This old man in front of me is giving me a funny look so I say "If I chop him up just right, do you think I can get my 6-foot 5-inch husband to fit in here? I wonder if I bought enough plastic wrap?" He hustled his wife out of the store right quick.

I think I watch too many crime shows. I'm pretty sure I know how to get rid of someone without getting caught. If Dexter can buy all of that plastic sheeting and trash bags without drawing attention to himself, then I can do it, right? Really, I think about this stuff a lot, keeps me up at night. Does he go to a different Home Depot every time he makes a kill? You can't buy that much plastic wrap over and over at the same store without someone noticing. I worked a a cashier in college, I remembered whenever people would come in and buy large quantities of stuff. Like this one guy, he came in and bought HUGE quantities of toilet paper several times a week. That's all he ever bought. People notice that kind of stuff!

Another example...whenever I go to the Coach store the sales associate takes me right to the new pink items. Now, either she remembers I like pink, or the give away might be that I'm dressed like Pinky Tuscadero (you gotta be old to get this reference!).

But I digress. My point is I might make a second career out of making people "disappear". So call me, I can help.

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